I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
