She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Did I show you my penis last night?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
