the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I am naked and annoyed.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
