Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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