For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
