last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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