I showed him my bush... on skype.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
