You made me cry and you don't even care
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
