you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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