i think my mom watched the whole time
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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