he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Randomize
