I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize