There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
