i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
