Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize