the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize