this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
He shit in the fireplace
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
