No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Randomize
