i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
