Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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