Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
