Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
