I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
