Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
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