Old men and throwing up are my life now.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
