i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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