apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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