just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
