my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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