when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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