Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
