I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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