i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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