I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
