youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize