Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
