shes about as inviting as chlamydia
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
