TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
