Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
i think i just lost a toe
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