I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
