kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
