I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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