Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize