I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
