First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
he laminated a picture of his dick.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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