I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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