If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
