I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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