Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
