I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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