before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Randomize
