My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
