Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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