she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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