don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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