Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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