Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
The best revenge is premature balding
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
