I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
