Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
