Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
