I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Enjoy the penises
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
