Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
