either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
