I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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