I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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