Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
