either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize