we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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