is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
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