My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize
