His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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