Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
