Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
