Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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