OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
