turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
