You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
