He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
