I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
