I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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