He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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