so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
