We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize