Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
