you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Buhtt sex?
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
