I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
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