how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
