I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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