And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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