**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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