She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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