Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
