just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize