it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Randomize
