i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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