I look better un-naked...
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
