he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
