Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
