just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
