he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
