I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
