"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You're a waste of cheezeits
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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