He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
