Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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