oh god the rape fog is back!
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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