I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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