when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
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